A to Z Challenge

Saturday, February 15, 2014

WeWriWa - I've about had it!

Oh dear friends, love is lingering in the air.  February - Such a wonderful month...it reminds us who is special to us and why.  I've been so blessed to share Valentine's Day with a superb example of a man for the past twenty-three years, and I look forward to the next twenty-three.  Love you dear hubby of mine : )

So, welcome to this exciting edition of Weekend Writing Warriors, where writer's from around the world share eight teensy tiny lines of their work, published or in progress.  Then, they look forward to communicating with readers and writer's to find out what worked, or what didn't, so they can improve their art or entice you to purchase their work!  If you'd like to learn more, click the button below and it will whisk you away to a magical realm full of wonder and enchantment...


Last week, our little sailor from Rasport rang an alarm bell and sent Medina (a lovely Harpy lass) into a verbal barrage of the naive young sailor lad.  This is raw writing...first draft...and punctuation could be a bit on the creative side. : )

Medina leaped into the sky just as a harpoon sliced through the air to her side.  She began a torrential stream of cursing that rained down over the ship, causing even the most veteran of sailors’ cheeks to burn.
She hovered in the air, the open sea at her back, “You are all ignorant fools, fighting against magic to save one who is the greatest perversion of it!”
Boom-boom-boom, the ships unleashed a volley of cannonballs that streaked toward her. 

“I’ve about had it,” she screeched.  She spread her wings wide, pulsing them down with powerful blasts of air, the gift of being a harpy.  The balls fell back down onto the ship, slicing through the mast and crashing down through the deck.  A lone ball rumbled across the wooden planks, to fall through the nets that covered the cargo hull.

Love to hear your thoughts(I'm not sure I'm very happy with this section), so feel free to leave a comment or two...everything helps (whether it's ego stroking or well placed critique that helps me hone the story flow)!  

40 comments:

  1. oh gosh, I was so worried that Medina would be hurt. I love her righteous indignation, but I think her sweet side is now liable to turn harsh. Those sailors sure made a mistake now.

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    1. Medina's a pretty savvy girl...she knows how to take care of herself : ) She's all kerfluffled that you were anxious about her safety though : )

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  2. Terrific details! I love the description of the cursing, giving it that physical, almost harmful aspect - I love it!

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    1. Medina is gifted with the sharp acidic tongue of a harpy...it can be quite harmful : )

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  3. I think the sailors made a big mistake. Intriguing snippet.

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    1. They might not have wanted to react like they did...especially since they really have no idea what different magical creatures are capable of.

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  4. Very interesting. I've never heard of a harpy described this way. I like it.

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    1. Sometimes, I like to take mythological and fantasy creatures and rearrange their character...hoping they won't be too stereotypical.

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  5. Perfect harpy talk and action. As an old harpy myself, I know from what I speak. Good job, Millie.

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    1. Well, then you're a beauty like Medina : )

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  6. Very visual Millie! Exciting snippet.

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    1. Thanks, there's a lot of action in this story.

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  7. lol, Charmaine! This is pretty cool for sure. I almost want to say "serves 'em right!" for trying to shoot her out of the sky, but then I started thinking, probably most harpies are nasty. Medina could be the exception. Then it's nobody's fault really. You got me thinking about all sorts of stuff now, Millie! :D

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    1. Well, I'm glad you wanted to say "serves 'em right!" Medina used to be a nasty harpy, but she and her flock have evolved some ; ) They never forgot how to fight though, nor use fowl language : )

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  8. Really like the character of Medina. Such a strong personality. My favorite line is the last one. Brought me into the story.

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    1. Oh good. Hope you hear it clunking along...just wait till you see what happens next...

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  9. Excellent snippet! I am right there and love how she makes them blush;).

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    1. She knows a thing or two about cursing...

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    1. Thanks Cara...I still think I might tweak it a bit.

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  11. Good image except the "them" in the second sentence of the second paragraph is undefined. Reads like "them" refers to her wings; but from the next sentence it's the cannonballs.

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    1. It does actually refer to her wings...I'll make sure I clarify the downdraft she creates is what sends the balls crashing back down to the deck. Thanks for pointing that out!

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  12. I adore Medina! She's feisty, and that coupled with her plain-spoken language is perfect!

    I hope your hubby gets to read your post, by the way!

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    1. He's funny, I don't think he checks my blog much...but he knows I love him. Medina has a soft core...but when ignorant folks push her buttons...well yup, she's feisty!

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  13. 'She began a torrential stream of cursing that rained down over the ship, causing even the most veteran of sailors’ cheeks to burn.' - Now that's an impressive amount of cursing! :D Loved this excerpt, Millie. Full of excitement and adventure!

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    1. I tell ya, that girl knows words I've never even heard...she's got verbal skills ; )

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  14. I kind of still feel sorry for the kid in the crow's nest---it's a long way down if the ship sinks. And that's probably not the best way to convince them that they're on the wrong side, either.

    But it's pure Medina, so it fits! :)

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    1. Yeah, that kid is finding out he shouldn't've gone and pissed off a harpy!

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  15. Wow, i'm glad she's a harpy, that's some serious ammunition coming at her! Very exciting scene, I don't blame her for being so upset. Just a fascinating story going on here...

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  16. That's what you get for shooting at a harpy!

    Perhaps you're not 100% on this section because of the 'fall's? "The balls fell back down onto the ship" and then "fall through the nets." All your other verbs are nice strong, descriptive ones, that these little 'falls' are weak by comparison.

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    1. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about...finding those weak links so they can be forged anew! Thanks Caitlin!

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  17. LOL! I love her. Full of piss and vinegar, that harpy, enough to make a sailor (or more) blush. :D

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    1. She's so much fun to write. I rarely have to think at all when I'm letting Medina have her way : )

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  18. Muahaha! I like her! She's clearly a force to be reckoned with- sweet on the one hand, but can be quite deadly when toyed with in the wrong way. Great snippet, Millie!

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    1. Thanks, she can be sweet when and if she wants to, but isn't that most of us?

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  19. Love this. So descriptive! *wants to know more about the harpy* :D

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