A to Z Challenge

Saturday, July 12, 2014

WeWriWa - Was he upside down?

A great big warrior whoop and holler to you.  It's Sunday, time for all brave and valiant Weekend Writing Warrior's to get their battle plans (at the aforementioned link) and charge forth to read and comment.  If you haven't a clue as to what I'm referring to, you should def-def-definitely check it out.  Might just become your favorite weekend pasttime : )

I am sharing eight more lines of interaction between Kes and Zelera.  If you remember last week, Kes tried to hide from his auntie under the bed.  Here's what happens next...

     Kes flattened his body, jamming himself as far back into the dark corner as possible.  All of a sudden something cold and hard wrapped around his ankles, and he felt himself sliding across the floor.  His head hit a bedrail with a loud kerthunk, “Ow, ow, ow,” he wailed.
     “You'd better knock it off right now mister, I’ve had just about enough.”  
     Kes noticed the room was upside down.  Or was he upside down?  The air whizzed past him as he saw the bed swing into view.  He landed with a soft plop. 

This is first draft.  So as always, love to hear your critique and comments. : )

40 comments:

  1. The cold object is her hand? How about making it bony? (Mine will go live at 4 am EDT.)

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  2. Eww, I'm picturing something reptilian grabbing his ankles. I think he saw the REAL Aunt Zelera. Yikes. Good 8.

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    1. Not reptilian, but there's not much warmth in her, that's for sure.

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  3. Fantastic details, Mille, you really know how to make a scene come alive!

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    1. : ) Thank you. I have hidden under a bed or two in my time ; )

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  4. Fantastic description from start to end. Great job!

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  5. Starts out kind of creepy then swings into confused. Love that description from Kes' viewpoint! As usual Millie, you capture all the right details.

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    1. She just flings him around like a little sack of potatoes...meanie auntie.

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  6. Wow, what the heck is going on here? Whatever that is that's grabbing him has to be monstrous. Great heart-pounding scene!

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    1. She is pretty evil Frank. That's the evil sorceress Zelera, who has kidnapped poor Prince Kestrel. He was hiding under the bed, and she's having none of it.

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  7. Wow. Powerful scene with a true villain at his heels (literally). I'd be hiding, too. After the first line, I'd like to see a sensory description from Kes. Show us a bodily symptom or something to show his fear. For example, if it were me, pee would drip down my leg. LOL! Well done snippet and good luck with your wip.

    http://joycelansky.blogspot.com/2014/07/weekend-writing-warriors-blog-hop-071314.html

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    1. Thank Joyce. Kes is too tough to pee his pants : )

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  8. No running, no hiding. Poor Kes!

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    1. He's pretty much trapped...for the moment anyhow : )

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  9. Wow, great scene! So visual and I love that last line.

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    1. Thanks Gemma. This poor kid is not in the best of hands...

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  10. I loved that the cold, hard thing was her. I actually kind of like her, but it looks like her true colors are starting to show. Great snippet.

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    1. : ) She's not known for her warmth and smiles : )

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  11. Holy Attercops, Millie!

    The boy wasn't wrong about her, was he?

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    1. He's a pretty insightful little lad...

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  12. Scary stuff indeed! She's shown him her true nature now. Vivid scene and I can't wait to see what happens next. Great 8!

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    1. Why thank you, these two end up giving each other fits...

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  13. Were that her hands on his ankles? *Shudder* Poor kid!

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  14. The thing on his ankles made me shiver. The aunt isn't too nice of a person.

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  15. Wonderful, Millie. I always feel fun lurking in every corner despite the Meanies.

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    1. The meanies add to the fun sometimes : ) Shoot, this meanie may even join in the fun some day...it could happen : )

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  16. Such an exciting snippet with lots of action and suspense. I feel as disoriented as Kes! Great 8!

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  17. I love how he's so discombobulated, not sure whether he's upside down or the room is. Very well-described excerpt, Millie! I'm loving this story! :)

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  18. I'm with Jenna. You did a great job of letting the reader feel disoriented, too.

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  19. I'm with the other comments--I was thinking reptile, robot, etc with the description. You're maybe better off with something like "chilly and bony"

    This scene makes me not like the aunt at all, though at least she threw him on the bed, and not the floor...

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  20. Your writing is enjoyable to read :D Enough description to give the reader a vivid picture of the scene without going overboard. I tend to engage in the latter, lol. The ending was disorienting and fit the chaotic nature of the scene. I'm curious how he's going to get out of this!

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  21. Fantastic snippet. Made me feel as if I was hanging upside down, too. lol

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  22. Millie, you have a gift for writing the reader right into the scene! I so enjoy your snippets! :-)

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  23. Oh-oh! What has him by the ankle?! Great snippet;).

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  24. Nice question, I like his take on perception.

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  25. Wonderful description. Could totally picture it. Great snippet!

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