I feel like singing the Hallelujah Chorus today. For I have been absent from posting to WeWriWa for a good long time, but here I am today...with eight sentences from Return of the Crown. So, without further ado, though you can hum a little Handel if you feel so inspired, here's eight sentences just a bit further from where we left off last time (Blade was down climbing a steep cliff trying to find Ravyn, who he hasn't seen in 10 years or so).
Ravyn held her breath as Blade began edging across the cliff wall. It looked impassable. But Blade's hands moved from crack to crack and nub to nub, denying gravity's desire to take effect. Never once did his feet slip from the tiny rim of rock jutting out from the cliff face. He slid across the rock as if he were water.
Before she knew it, he was standing in front of her. His arms wrapped around her, and they were both weeping with joy. Tears sprang to her eyes, and Ravyn lost herself in the safety of his arms.
What do you think? I know many of you thought Ravyn was a bit harsh with our Selkie friend Seamus, but Blade's got some skills : ) I look forward to skipping through your eight sentence shares! And now as I glance at the colorful words on my page, I've got a hankering for something...Candy corn!!!
Welcome back, Millie. I like the image of water slithering along the rocks to the bottom.
ReplyDeleteAs for Handel, it's too soon for that! I'm an orchestral musician, and I know darned well that Messiah Season (which coincides with Nutcracker Season) doesn't start until December.
Yeah, it's a bit early, but shoot, I've seen Christmas stuff in the stores already : ) Is it really too early?
DeleteHaha! It's never too early for Handel--or any other Christmas music. ;-) I've been listening to TSO for a couple of weeks.
DeleteLovely imagery, Millie. Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteKim, you are so welcome. Thanks for coming by.
DeleteWelcome back, Millie! As usual this excerpt pulls readers right in. Very easy to picture what's happening, and very emotional. I'd congratulate you but I'm starting to sound like a broken record ;-)
ReplyDeleteOne suggestion? You mention they both burst into tears so I think you could skip saying that tears sprang to her eyes. Might tighten the imagery a bit. Hoping you pick up right from here next week!
--I should have looked up your wording before hitting"publish" on that comment, but I do think "weeping with joy" is stronger than "tears sprang to her eyes."
ReplyDeleteAh, just glad to be on here sharing again. And, always love the critiquing. I agree weeping with joy would have been better. Maybe if I make a new edition : )
DeleteYou're back! So I hummed Handel while reading the excerpt and I think it worked rather well with the super-smooth rock-climbing, culminating in joyful tears. Hallelujah!
ReplyDeleteOh big cheesy grin on my end. So glad to be back!!!
ReplyDeleteI love the sentimental moment at the end, and the way you describe the way he moves across the rock. So good to see you on W.W.W. again. I've missed you!
ReplyDeleteOh thanks Frank. Life just got too...lifey! I'm glad to rejoin as a participant again. I've missed all of you too!
DeleteMillie, you rascal, glad to read you once again. Smooth rock climbing and joy. Love the snippet and you.
ReplyDeleteSo glad to be back Charmaine. Hanging with my writing peeps on Sundays is always fun! I've been lurking as moderator, I've never truly been gone. I just didn't feel I had enough time to devote to everyone's snippets, and I had no time to write...so I just kept my foot in the door till things worked out again. : )
DeleteSo happy to see you back in the WWW mix, Millie! I've missed you and your fantastic writing! This excerpt is no exception. Looking forward to more! :)
ReplyDeleteWhy thank you : ) Glad to be back.
DeleteI like the descriptive vision of 'the tiny rim of rock jutting out from the cliff face'. Good job!
ReplyDeleteThanks : )
DeleteGo Blade! I could really visualize the entire scene from your terrific description - great snippet and welcome back to posting. Need more Ravyn!
ReplyDeleteShe'll be along shortly : )
DeleteWelcome back! I love the description of his climb. Beautiful.
ReplyDeleteThanks Tina. Climbing is a passion of mine, so I hope it translates to the page when I'm describing it : )
DeleteWelcome back! Love the imagery of the snippet. Beautifully done.
ReplyDeleteAw shucks, thanks.
DeleteNice imagery. It sort of made my stomach turn over because I can't stand heights. That's a compliment in case it isn't clear.
ReplyDelete: ) I get it, heights aren't for everyone.
DeleteHe's got some skills! Sounds like a scary climb for sure.
ReplyDeleteFor him, it was nothing but a thing.
DeleteLove the last line - so visual.
ReplyDeleteThanks!
DeleteWhat a great (and emotional) reunion! As mentioned above, I think you did a wonderful job with imagery, Millie.
ReplyDeleteOne tiny thing--ignore at will. :-) "...denying gravity's desire to take effect." If it were me, I'd removed that last little clause, and stop after the word "desire". Gravity has only one desire, right? Tightens it just a bit. :-)
So glad to see you back at it!! :-)
I agree : ). I'm learning as I go, and definitely think my more recent writing is cleaner.
ReplyDeleteThanks Millie for a good read. I think your 8 sentences packed enough action to last for a good few hours!!! You also chose the right words to describe the scene and the action fluidly...
ReplyDelete