A to Z Challenge

Saturday, July 26, 2014

WeWriWa - I did promise to be good...

Psst.  Hey you, are you looking for a fix?  C'mon over here...click this link to Weekend Writing Warriors, they'll hook you up.  It matters not what kind of intoxication you seek.  There are snippets to read that will thrill you, snippets that will give you the shivers, and snippets that strike your funny bone.  But be careful...once you click the link, you're likely to do it again, and again.  It's addictive, and there's no 12-step program once you're snared--you might just be a lifer.  

I'm picking up where I left off last week.  Zelera has been trying to get her nephew Kes to take a nap, and is trying to tell him a story.  (Zelera has kidnapped the boy, and is learning a four-year old is not that easy to keep under control).  If you want last week's snippet as a reminder, you can find that here.

One of her nostrils flared, and a muscle over her eye twitched.  “No, this story has nothing to do with you.  Now, close your eyes and listen.”
“Sorry, meanie auntie.  I did promise to be good...didn’t I?”

“Yes, you did,” she agreed.  “Now, this little prince wanted very much to be the king someday.  He was the first born child, so it was his right.”

So whatcha think?  As always, I love to hear from you : )

43 comments:

  1. Oh, I have my fingers crossed. I hope this guy can thaw her icy heart. ;-) Can he redeemer her in the eyes of the reader?? lol. Hmm, maybe not. Maybe she must be punished. :-) Great characterization, Millie!

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    1. : ) Only the evil writer knows for sure...and the reader. Can she be redeemed in the eyes of the reader? Ooh, good question I must ponder!

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  2. I like the scene. Little boys can be fun to get to co-operate. I have a question. I really tried but I cannot make only one of my nostrils flare. I must be too relaxed this Sunday. Hope you're similarly content. :)

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    1. Oh how funny Heather...this is why I love you folks. Nano writing just flows, you don't stop to think it through. That's how it came out, but nope, I can't flare just one nostril either. I'm guessing there are some talented folk out there who can do it...just like wiggling your ears, some people just have that special gift.

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  3. I love the detail of her nostril-flaring reaction to his question. Great dialogue, great stuff!

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    1. She's trying so hard to keep it together, ha!

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  4. Makes me wonder if Zelera was the first-born, but the kingdom went to a younger brother, making Kes the only one standing in her way once the king is no more. *Hmmmm* Interesting.

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    1. : ) Smarty pants. It might be something like that...

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  5. Ah the constant questions from 4 year olds! I'm enjoying this story.

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    1. Little ones will wear you down if you let them : )

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  6. Lol, sounds like she has bitten off more than she can chew. I am curious with how kind and careful she is with him. I keep expecting her to want to do something not so nice to him, but she holds it together. Intriguing...
    Great 8.

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    1. She thinks she's fooling him...we shall see.

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  7. Yeah, I'm still relating with Zelera as she tries to get the kid settled. Does that mean I have an evil streak in me? Another fun snippet- love the details.

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    1. You might be evil-ish. Most anyone who's tried to get a little one to rest can likely relate : )

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  8. As always, you leave us wanting more! Your details are subtle when that would have the best effect, and that's how the nostril flaring reads to me.

    I like to be surprised as I read so don't think too hard about clues. But feeling cheated out of a birthright, a big one at that, would lead some people to do drastic things. So "if" that's the case with Zelera, am interested to see how far she goes to get it back.

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    1. Zelera definitely feels like her sister screwed her out of her kingdom...

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  9. This talk of right strikes me as significant, somehow.

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    1. Birthrights...such messy things on occasion.

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  10. I think the story is very much about her. I'm not sure she'll get to tell it though, with him asking so many questions, LOL.

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    1. Might just be a true story she's setting out to tell, or at least true in her mind...

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  11. It's your right to tell the story and not be deprived. Millie, tell whatever you want to the child. He'll sleep. And we'lll wait to see what happens next. Flared both nostrils here.

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  12. Can't wait to hear this story myself, hope he can hold off on a few of his questions LOL. Really a fascinating tale you're weaving and a terrific snippet today.

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  13. I wonder if this is a story about meanie auntie's daddy . . .

    Can't wait to find out!

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    1. : ) Eight sentences at a time, with an interrupting child : )

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  14. I like it. :) "Meanie Auntie" made me laugh, so appropriate for a 4 yr old. The talk of birthrights is intriguing and makes me wonder if the meanie auntie feels cheated. My sole (and it's very minor) quibble is the space between first and born when you write "first born child." "Firstborn" or even "first-born" is what I'm accustomed to seeing, so that reads just a tad odd to me. But, everything else looks great and I want to know more about this story. :)

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    1. Ooh, great catch Kimberly! This is first draft, straight off a Nano, so I'm not surprised folks find a few things to quibble with. Glad you enjoyed today's snippet.

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  15. Seems like she is really struggling to keep her cool! Just thinking that the story itself must be important somehow, for her to be exercising such self-control.

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    1. She's trying to keep it together. Kes knows how to push her buttons.

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  16. I love the twitching eye, LOL. He has her going, doesn't he?

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    1. Yep, yep, yep. Little children have magic all their own!

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  17. Hahahaha, "meanie aunt". Love that! He's working her hard, ha! Pushing all her buttons.

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  18. Sometimes taking care of a precocious four-year-old for a day is harder than a kingdom. I'm curious about the story too and if she will end up learning anything from trying to care for the child. Is there redemption for a kidnapper I wonder? (I keep thinking of this Bette Midler movie where in the end she works with the kidnappers to undo her crappy husband. The name escapes me now.)
    History Sleuth's Milk Carton Murders

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  19. ONE of her nostrils flares? LOL. I'm betting the four-year-old takes her down.

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  20. Love the facial tic, she's definitely having problems! And how he promises to be good, while calling her a 'meanie' in the same breath.

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  21. Love the physical description. Could so easily see it.

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  22. Wonderful imagery. And the dialog with a 4 year old is perfect. :) Well done.

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  23. I love how only one of her nostrils flared. lol. You do such a great job with the fine details, Millie. Wonderful work!

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  24. LOL...sorry meanie auntie....love 4 yr olds. My youngest is that age and that sounds like something he would say. enjoyed the 8, can't wait to see if she can get him to actually nap or not.

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  25. Cute snippet. I love the one nostril flaring, it makes her both grotesque and hard to take seriously *just picture that face and you;ll agree, The only comment I really have, I think Zelera would have reacted to the "meanie auntie" remark as an insult.

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  26. Great snippet! So much meaning in a few sentences. Excellent description and fun dialogue.

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  27. In honesty, I was jarred by the first sentence. It's great to include visuals of the characters, but the mention of the muscle took me out of the story. I'd just say "her eye twitched." Does the child always refer to the Aunt as "meanie" without her reacting to it? This jarred me, too because a mean aunt would snap at that, unless that is her name. I wonder where the story she is reading is headed. This is good and intriguing.

    Sorry I'm late in getting back to you. I've been as busy as a teacher the week before school starts.

    https://joycelansky.blogspot.com

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